Catching up... (from sunday, when i really should have been doing homework instead)
So I’ve had an on-going things-to-recount document open on my now rarely-used computer (what a concept) for at least two weeks now... and I’ve barely scratched the surface of all that I’ve wanted to say. Oy. Such is life. If you spend all your time talking about what you’ve been doing, you’ll have very little time to do anything more! (To quote the ever-wise Heather... “You spend 90% of the time talking about what you’re going to do, and only 10% actually doing it!” Perhaps this semester is a lesson in DOING... and I’ve certainly been doing a lot!
This week things have felt like they’re setting in, finding their place, learning to get by... it’s a day-to-day experience, living here. Each day is different, in both small and big ways. Each day I see something new of this gorgeous city. Each day I run into new moments of frustration. Each day new thoughts come to mind... new ponderings, new observations, new ways of looking at the same old. I still need to find myself a useful pocket journal to jot down daily observations and musings (Tim, I think I’ll take your advice on the moleskin brand... they seem durable!).
One thing that’s come to mind quite a lot as I’ve been adjusting to life here is how conducive Strasbourg (and perhaps the whole abroad experience) is to one’s personal explorations. I’ve been alone more often here than I’d ever have the chance to be at Lewis & Clark, and while I often miss the proximity of amazing friends and bouts of crazy laughter, I’m beginning to realize what good company a solitary walk can provide. Time not spent chatting while walking through the cobblestone streets or along the river’s edge is suddenly time open to notice all the little details blind to a hurried life. When our group took a boat tour through Strasbourg via the river/canal that surrounds the city center, I took some time apart from the conversations some of the girls were having to stare out the river and take in the view. Within a ten-minute span, I saw at least 10 things that made me smile to myself, even laugh-aloud, and then look around to realize no one else had noticed. The rat prancing along the water’s edge... the blown-up condom caught in the roots of a quai-side shrub... the spandexed runner crunching a path through a new layer of snow... the odd-looking water bird that looked different from anything else I’ve seen... the ginormous swan butt sticking straight up in the air as he/she fished for yummies beneath the water’s surface... and then the way the swan shook its rather substantial tail feathers upon coming up empty-mouthed... the little modern cottage collection just outside the European consulate with nice cars parked outside, where I imagine some of Europe’s diplomats might stay when they’re in session... the people who looked into the boat with just as much curiosity as those of us looking out...
This morning I even got up early to catch an 11 am movie by myself (supposedly only 2 euros, but I got charged 4.50 and didn’t argue due to the long line behind me). Back home, I very rarely go to movies on my own... perhaps partially because there’s no such thing as a four dollar movie with a culture card discount... or two dollar Sunday showings... but in any case, it was quite nice to catch a morning flick (“Cache-Cache”... a very cute, colorful, French eye-ful of a movie about a hermitic man who has lived in this deserted old chateau for years until a family moves in... and he keeps on living there, without them really knowing, save for the kids who talk about “the phantom” that returns their shoes when they throw them down the well where he sleeps at night).
Of course, the reason I could wake up so early on a Sunday morning was precisely because I turned in early on Saturday night, deciding to ditch out of the group bar scene to curl up in bed with Ionesco’s Rhinoceros, a french absurdist play I’m reading for one of the classes (and which is simply fantastic... I’m starting to appreciate absurdist humor more than ever, especially as I think it is best understood and enacted in the place it was first born... France!). So here’s my problem... I’m not good at living simultaneously social and solitary lives, simultaneously academic and fun-seeking lives... When I start something, I like to keep going with it (hence the length of my posts...??). I’m just not that great with fast changes. Thus, the first week, when I went out at least three or four nights, I was in the “going-out” mode and wasn’t much interested by nights alone in my room with my books and my homework. For a while there I was in the fun and event-seeking flow of things, and didn’t seem to realize I did indeed have some homework to do... so it didn’t really get it all done (and here it’s up to you to pace yourself in studies, homework etc. as you’re only graded on what you do turn in, but you’re expected to know everything by the end of the semester). And now, it seems I’m in the solitary, observatory, ready-to-learn/study frame of mind, which means come Friday and Saturday nights, I decided that early-to-bed, early-to-rise sounded like a better plan that partying up the night. The issue? Finding a balance that can interweave these different mindsets, such that I don’t feel inclined to spend an entire week doing only homework, followed by a week of only going out, etc.
Perhaps part of my new drive for solidarity has to do with the fact that the novelty of the group has worn off, and I’m really starting to feel how poorly I seem to fit in with the LC/Bryn Mawr crowd, whether it be by personal choice, personality difference, or the fact that I’ve never really been very good at getting by in large group settings. There are a lot of the people within the group that I really enjoy talking to, whether one-on-one or in smaller groups, but the large group, barhopping deal is seeming less and less appealing as time goes by. Besides the fact that almost everyone insists on speaking English ALL THE TIME (a mix, I can understand... but no french what-so-ever? I guess we’re all here for different reasons, after all...), I just feel like my desire to go out doesn’t necessarily match up with some of goals I here tossed around (I’d love to go out dancing, go out to talk and laugh, meet some new people... but in a very different context, perhaps. I’m not really up for snorting Aderol, getting shit-faced, and going out to flirt and fish for game. Which, you know, is fine, if that’s what you’re looking to do. But it’s just kind of awkward if I feel like that’s the goal of the night and I’m just totally off base).
Maybe I’m just the frickin’ goodie-two-shoes of the group, but I’ve got different reasons for being here. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy a good bump-and-grind all-night dance party (when I think going out, I think dancing, not just drinking), but that just hasn’t come to volition yet. The couple evenings I’ve spent at Martina’s, eating lengthy dinners over bottles of wine and awesome food, speaking french and discussing random subjects with her, Céline, and Alex have been some of my favorite nights spent here.
Before we left for France, Isabelle told us to write down some of our goals. I realize now that the goals are really an evolving phenomenon, as you never really know what you want to accomplish until you know what there is to accomplish. Looking back on my list, I realize I’m definitely fulfilling some of my hopes... I’m taking ample dance classes (Couples dancing again tomorrow... and Modern Jazz will soon be two days/three hours a week when I get back from vacation and add the Friday morning class, because it’s just that awesome!). I was going to do choir, but realized that with an increasing load of homework, an 8:30am-11pm Monday is not a good lead-in to accomplishing five classes on Tuesday. Ah well. I’m not doing the Human Rights Institute internship, but I will have the opportunity, starting this coming week, to offer my help as an English tutor to lower income kids (middle/high school), which I’m excited about. And I’m taking interesting electives outside the realm of psychology, I’m speaking french a whole lot, even if it’s far from fluent and filled with errors, and I’m taking advantage of the culture here (a play, two museums, a photo exhibit, and a ballet... all in one week?).
Every other day it seems, I have a moment of realization, of amazement, of appreciation... I’m on my junior semester abroad... I’m living in france... I’m learning the history... I’m speaking the language... I’m making connections. It’s not always good, not always easy, but it all hits me every once and a while as a sort of destiny. The way things have been working out, the issues I’ve been dealing with, the people I’ve been meeting and the happenstances that bring about such encounters... it all feels somewhat “meant to be.”
Now off to eat some dinner... have I mentioned that I’ve been falling in love with meat? For another post, to come...
This week things have felt like they’re setting in, finding their place, learning to get by... it’s a day-to-day experience, living here. Each day is different, in both small and big ways. Each day I see something new of this gorgeous city. Each day I run into new moments of frustration. Each day new thoughts come to mind... new ponderings, new observations, new ways of looking at the same old. I still need to find myself a useful pocket journal to jot down daily observations and musings (Tim, I think I’ll take your advice on the moleskin brand... they seem durable!).
One thing that’s come to mind quite a lot as I’ve been adjusting to life here is how conducive Strasbourg (and perhaps the whole abroad experience) is to one’s personal explorations. I’ve been alone more often here than I’d ever have the chance to be at Lewis & Clark, and while I often miss the proximity of amazing friends and bouts of crazy laughter, I’m beginning to realize what good company a solitary walk can provide. Time not spent chatting while walking through the cobblestone streets or along the river’s edge is suddenly time open to notice all the little details blind to a hurried life. When our group took a boat tour through Strasbourg via the river/canal that surrounds the city center, I took some time apart from the conversations some of the girls were having to stare out the river and take in the view. Within a ten-minute span, I saw at least 10 things that made me smile to myself, even laugh-aloud, and then look around to realize no one else had noticed. The rat prancing along the water’s edge... the blown-up condom caught in the roots of a quai-side shrub... the spandexed runner crunching a path through a new layer of snow... the odd-looking water bird that looked different from anything else I’ve seen... the ginormous swan butt sticking straight up in the air as he/she fished for yummies beneath the water’s surface... and then the way the swan shook its rather substantial tail feathers upon coming up empty-mouthed... the little modern cottage collection just outside the European consulate with nice cars parked outside, where I imagine some of Europe’s diplomats might stay when they’re in session... the people who looked into the boat with just as much curiosity as those of us looking out...
This morning I even got up early to catch an 11 am movie by myself (supposedly only 2 euros, but I got charged 4.50 and didn’t argue due to the long line behind me). Back home, I very rarely go to movies on my own... perhaps partially because there’s no such thing as a four dollar movie with a culture card discount... or two dollar Sunday showings... but in any case, it was quite nice to catch a morning flick (“Cache-Cache”... a very cute, colorful, French eye-ful of a movie about a hermitic man who has lived in this deserted old chateau for years until a family moves in... and he keeps on living there, without them really knowing, save for the kids who talk about “the phantom” that returns their shoes when they throw them down the well where he sleeps at night).
Of course, the reason I could wake up so early on a Sunday morning was precisely because I turned in early on Saturday night, deciding to ditch out of the group bar scene to curl up in bed with Ionesco’s Rhinoceros, a french absurdist play I’m reading for one of the classes (and which is simply fantastic... I’m starting to appreciate absurdist humor more than ever, especially as I think it is best understood and enacted in the place it was first born... France!). So here’s my problem... I’m not good at living simultaneously social and solitary lives, simultaneously academic and fun-seeking lives... When I start something, I like to keep going with it (hence the length of my posts...??). I’m just not that great with fast changes. Thus, the first week, when I went out at least three or four nights, I was in the “going-out” mode and wasn’t much interested by nights alone in my room with my books and my homework. For a while there I was in the fun and event-seeking flow of things, and didn’t seem to realize I did indeed have some homework to do... so it didn’t really get it all done (and here it’s up to you to pace yourself in studies, homework etc. as you’re only graded on what you do turn in, but you’re expected to know everything by the end of the semester). And now, it seems I’m in the solitary, observatory, ready-to-learn/study frame of mind, which means come Friday and Saturday nights, I decided that early-to-bed, early-to-rise sounded like a better plan that partying up the night. The issue? Finding a balance that can interweave these different mindsets, such that I don’t feel inclined to spend an entire week doing only homework, followed by a week of only going out, etc.
Perhaps part of my new drive for solidarity has to do with the fact that the novelty of the group has worn off, and I’m really starting to feel how poorly I seem to fit in with the LC/Bryn Mawr crowd, whether it be by personal choice, personality difference, or the fact that I’ve never really been very good at getting by in large group settings. There are a lot of the people within the group that I really enjoy talking to, whether one-on-one or in smaller groups, but the large group, barhopping deal is seeming less and less appealing as time goes by. Besides the fact that almost everyone insists on speaking English ALL THE TIME (a mix, I can understand... but no french what-so-ever? I guess we’re all here for different reasons, after all...), I just feel like my desire to go out doesn’t necessarily match up with some of goals I here tossed around (I’d love to go out dancing, go out to talk and laugh, meet some new people... but in a very different context, perhaps. I’m not really up for snorting Aderol, getting shit-faced, and going out to flirt and fish for game. Which, you know, is fine, if that’s what you’re looking to do. But it’s just kind of awkward if I feel like that’s the goal of the night and I’m just totally off base).
Maybe I’m just the frickin’ goodie-two-shoes of the group, but I’ve got different reasons for being here. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy a good bump-and-grind all-night dance party (when I think going out, I think dancing, not just drinking), but that just hasn’t come to volition yet. The couple evenings I’ve spent at Martina’s, eating lengthy dinners over bottles of wine and awesome food, speaking french and discussing random subjects with her, Céline, and Alex have been some of my favorite nights spent here.
Before we left for France, Isabelle told us to write down some of our goals. I realize now that the goals are really an evolving phenomenon, as you never really know what you want to accomplish until you know what there is to accomplish. Looking back on my list, I realize I’m definitely fulfilling some of my hopes... I’m taking ample dance classes (Couples dancing again tomorrow... and Modern Jazz will soon be two days/three hours a week when I get back from vacation and add the Friday morning class, because it’s just that awesome!). I was going to do choir, but realized that with an increasing load of homework, an 8:30am-11pm Monday is not a good lead-in to accomplishing five classes on Tuesday. Ah well. I’m not doing the Human Rights Institute internship, but I will have the opportunity, starting this coming week, to offer my help as an English tutor to lower income kids (middle/high school), which I’m excited about. And I’m taking interesting electives outside the realm of psychology, I’m speaking french a whole lot, even if it’s far from fluent and filled with errors, and I’m taking advantage of the culture here (a play, two museums, a photo exhibit, and a ballet... all in one week?).
Every other day it seems, I have a moment of realization, of amazement, of appreciation... I’m on my junior semester abroad... I’m living in france... I’m learning the history... I’m speaking the language... I’m making connections. It’s not always good, not always easy, but it all hits me every once and a while as a sort of destiny. The way things have been working out, the issues I’ve been dealing with, the people I’ve been meeting and the happenstances that bring about such encounters... it all feels somewhat “meant to be.”
Now off to eat some dinner... have I mentioned that I’ve been falling in love with meat? For another post, to come...
posted by Melia at 5:29 AM
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